The year of the AJ

With an attitude like that, how can I go wrong, right?

A mellow and quiet year thus far. Ringing in the New Year with friends. I am very blessed when it comes to having this group of friends, and it's been a long while in the making. But there is always warmth and love and hugs and inappropriate touching and foul language and cocktails and amazing food in abundance when I see these people I call "my tribe". Harder, of course to develop individual friendships within this group as it takes more time and effort and so many have family and obligations, and passions and travel and so forth. But it's what makes them such an amazing group.

It's hard to accept that friendships may not last and even harder to to accept that love won't. But it has never seemed anything but logical to me that it is so. A reason, a season or a lifetime... the saying goes. And it's a long one (so not really a saying), and I don't agree with all of it (as I just read the whole thing) but mostly, it's pretty wise. Some of the people I have met through this group I have had strong, intimate and intense friendships with - and that level of intensity and expectation is gone now. The friendship remains but less so and sometimes it hurts. But I think it's exactly the way it's meant to be... Especially and even the hurt.

Craving and repulsion. These are some of the core concepts that seem to emanate from the retreat I will go on in just under two weeks now. Pain is inevitable, suffering a choice - brought about by these two things - craving and repulsion - and freedom from both. Wow... now I'm just rambling....only not really, because this is where I have often found myself stuck. But more and more, I am un-sticking myself.

This is the year of AJ because it's the first full year of my life (since infancy I would imagine) that I will do and choose everything precisely for me and no one else. Holy shit, that's powerful and as good a place as any to end this post.

Only love...

AJ